We Are Connected
From Path2 Coaching
We are all connected. We are independent components of a large interdependent system comprised of smaller systems. Family, community, and workforce are just a few examples of the systems in which we participate. This connectedness is a natural strength because it multiplies the resources, compassion, and knowledge we have access to. I value our connectedness and made connection a keystone of the Path2 philosophy; all change and growth is considered through the premise of preserving the systems that are important to us.
I try not to get on a soapbox too often. The world is already overflowing with too many opinions and perspectives trying to drown each other out. Once in a while, I feel compelled to speak, and this is one of those times. Sadly, I have noticed a trend in messaging about growth and self-improvement that marginalizes and sacrifices connection as a catalyst for personal change. Coaches, counselors, and consultants are quick to advise people to cut off connections that require maintenance or repair, or advocate self-centeredness and self-elitism, under the guise of self-care. Self-care is not abandoning all existing systems (career, family, community, etc.) when those systems are not harmful or preventing growth; that’s self-sabotage.
It breaks my heart when I see people searching for guidance on how to improve their quality of life, and the first piece of advice they receive is to essentially sever or destroy valuable relationships and personal systems simply because an outsider’s template suggests that a beginning step for change is to replace existing systems with new ones. Change your job, partner, friends, community, everything! Out with the old and in with the new! We are going to transform your whole life! These are sales pitches of carnival barkers in a sea of noise.
The notion that in order to improve our circumstances we need to untie ourselves from all our connections and establish new ones is reckless. Of course if we leave all our old systems for new ones, then we will feel like things are different and we’ve changed, and these new systems will find us more interesting than our old ones, but it’s a parlor trick. This is equivalent to taking a duck out of a pond and placing it in a chick coop with chickens. The duck didn’t change, but its surroundings will probably feel different to the duck. And the chickens might be more interested in the duck than the other ducks back in the pond were, but there is not real change other than the system the duck is in. Aside from masking the fact that there is no real change, even if there is change, there is no benchmark for growth. How can one evaluate growth if they are not in the same system?
I don’t believe that we are supposed to be isolated and independent creatures that bounce from system to system, exploiting resources and connections for our own benefit before moving on. Being in a system does not remove our independence or agency. We can be independent and self-sufficient and still be part of a system that provides resources, compassion, and knowledge to support us. This belief is baked into the Path2 Program by implementing growth while maintaining the systems and connections we value.